The final straw... I hope!

     So recently I've been thinking of Bariatric Surgery, my husband and I attended a seminar and I think it's my way to go.

    My husband has some reserves about it, but I reassured him that the surgery I want is the safest! I would want to get the lap band or realize band. I have tried diet after diet and pill after pill. I have just gotten to the point I'm tired of making myself sick. 

    I also have some reserves, as would anyone wanting to have a surgery. My thoughts are I'm only 21, what if I never wake up. I have a one year old son, what is he going to do without a mom, or my husband... will he move on, will he find our son a new mom. I just have mixed feelings.

Start of a new life...style!

     So my life is good... I have a 13 month old who adores me, and a husband who loves me! But then there's me...I adore nothing about myself, and love nothing about myself. To be honest I think totally opposite! I'm one of those people who have a pretty face but a fat body. I hate being told I'm pretty because that is not what I see... I hate undressing in front of my husband, I hate being naked in front of my husband.

       

       Recently he told me he wanted a crotch rocket (motorcycle). Well my reply was, " i've  never seen a big person on the back of one" his reply "oh yes, I have" Right there just told me he thinks of me as being big. I paused and said when I lose 100 lbs you can buy one, " Do you want me to lose 100 lbs"?  Yes... I held it in, even though it hurt my feelings so bad.

I know I need to lose weight, I need to lose more than 100 pounds, but hearing it from someone you love makes you feel so bad. I have tried and tried to lose weight countless times, but failed I know I didn't try hard enough. But now it's time. I'm only 21 so I know it's possible, but no motivation and support makes it alot harder. 

I had read some people that had weight loss stories and they said blogging helped alot. So I am willing to try anything.  I just hope I can do this not only for me.. but my family!